Laws of attraction

Are men attracted to women who look like them?

THE next time you happen to be with your spouse or your partner, take a good look at their features. Do they look a bit familiar?

And no, I don’t mean familiar just because you’ve been with that person for a while. I mean familiar in the sense that you’ve seen those same features, or at least some of them, somewhere else. Like, in the mirror every morning.

If the results of a French study are anything to go by, men are most attracted to women who look like them. That being the case, my partner must have left his glasses at home the day we met. I mean to say, his eyes are blue, while mine are brown, his eyebrows are thick, while mine are thin (too much plucking back in the 70s), his nose is slender, while mine is more rounded, and he has full lips, while mine are lacking plumpness.

I can only conclude that he is more attracted to my wit, charm and personality than some narcissistic ideal. Either that or the female versions of him were a bit thin on the ground when he was looking for a partner.

According to another study, physically attractive people generally date other physically attractive people. Leaving the not-so-attractive people to date other not-so-attractive people. It’s almost like a caste system that’s difficult to break out of.

Right about now you might be asking, “How do these researchers account for those not-so-attractive, rich men who opt for a “trophy wife”? Shouldn’t Donald Trump, Rupert Murdoch and Woody Allen be seen around town with women who are more homely than the much younger, more attractive women who currently appear by their sides?”

It seems that attractive women who date someone below their level of attractiveness tend to justify their choices by saying something like, “He sure is ugly, and it’s kinda embarrassing to have to appear in public with gorilla man, but as long as I have access to his money, my life will be beautiful.”

However, such cases are the exceptions.
In a nutshell then, the so-called experts will have you believe that attractive people generally date other attractive people who look a bit like themselves; while ugly people generally date other ugly people who look a bit like themselves.

When the experts talk about people dating others who look like themselves, this concurs with yet another study that indicates that a woman often looks for a man who looks like her father, while a man often looks for a woman who looks like his mother.

Like, how creepy is all that? Fancy waking up in the morning to find someone resembling your mother or father snoring on the pillow next to you!

Researchers are quick to point out that there is nothing narcissistic about these attractions. We are attracted to people who look like ourselves (and possibly our parents as well) simply because of the comfort we get from familiarity.

I’m not disputing the results of the research, but they certainly don’t apply in my case. My father was an Irishman with light brown hair and green eyes, whereas my ex is a Chinese Malaysian. One of my sisters married a man of Italian origin, another married a Hispanic guy, and yet another married a blond-haired, blue-eyed Scottish man. None of our partners, past or present, look remotely like my father.

Of course, other researchers might tell me that my father was not a good role model and so we were all looking subconsciously for completely different men.

But who gives a toss, anyway?

All of this research into the laws of physical attraction really tells me just one thing: we are wasting a lot of money on studies that can’t be put to any practical use. Unless of course, you’re a fortune teller.

I can just imagine the scene in the fortune teller’s tent as she gazes into her crystal ball, with a young woman sitting opposite her: “Ah, I can see a man with blond hair and blue eyes in your life. He even looks a bit like you. Cross my palm with silver and I will reveal more.”

Most research costs money and is time consuming. As such, I think we ought to be more discerning about how we apply our research funds. Instead of focusing on who we might be attracted to and why, it might be better if the funding could be used to finance research on things like climate change, green energy, and how best to persuade newspaper editors that you really deserve a raise.

Perhaps I can get someone to fund a study on how much money has been wasted on useless studies.

But Then Again

By MARY SCHNEIDER 

Check out Mary on Facebook at www.facebook.com/mary.schneider.writer. 

Reader response can be directed to star2@thestar.com.my

Shy boys given rooms to grow as they are lagging girls

 

Schoolboys do relaxation exercises in an all boys class at the government-run Shanghai Number Eight High School. Shanghai, whose school system produces the world's top test-scorers, has launched China's first all-boys high school program with an eye on elite overseas institutions like Eton. Source: AFP

SHANGHAI: Teenage boys in a Shanghai school are on the front line of teaching reform after the world's top-scoring education system introduced male-only classes over worries they are lagging girls.

Rows of white-shirted boys are put through their paces as they are called up individually to complete a chemical formula by teacher Shen Huimin, who hopes that a switch to male-only classes will help them overcome their reticence.

"We give boys a chance to change," she said.

The Shanghai school system topped the Organisation for Economic Co-Operation and Development's (OECD) worldwide assessment tests of 15-year-olds in 2009, the most recent available, ahead of Korea, Finland, Hong Kong and Singapore.

But even so officials are concerned that some male students may be slower than their female counterparts in development and certain academic areas, such as language, and the shift towards single sex classes aims to boost boys' confidence.

Girls do better than boys in secondary school across the developed world, an OECD report found.

A prominent Chinese educator, Sun Yunxiao, found the proportion of boys classed among the top scholars in the country's "gaokao" university entrance exams plunged from 66.2 percent to 39.7 percent between 1999 and 2008.

Across the developed world, girls do better than boys in secondary school, the OECD's Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA) found in a 2009 report on the educational performances of 15-year-olds.

"There are significant gender differences in educational outcomes," it said, adding that high school graduation rates across the OECD were 87 percent for girls but only 79 percent for boys.

In response, Shanghai's elite Number Eight High School is halfway through the initial year of an experiment, putting 60 boys into two classes of their own - a quarter of its first-year students - and teaching them with a special curriculum.

Schoolboys solve a math problem in an all boys class at the government-run Shanghai Number Eight High School in Shanghai.

 "This is a big breakthrough," said principal Lu Qisheng. "There's lots of hope - hope that boys will grow up better.

"Boys when they are young do not spend enough time studying," he explained. "Boys' maturity, especially for language and showing self-control, lags behind girls."

-- "We lack confidence" -

China shut most same-sex schools after the Communist Party came to power in 1949, and the only all-boys junior high schools in the country are privately run.

The number of male students scoring top marks in China's university entrance exams has plunged from 66 per cent to 49 per cent

Shanghai does have an all-girls state-run high school, the former McTyeire School for Girls, which marked its 120th anniversary last year and counts the three Soong sisters - Qing-ling, Ai-ling and Mei-ling - among its former pupils.

Between them they married two leaders and an industrialist. Qing-ling married Sun Yat-sen, the first President of the Republic of China, while Mei-ling wed Chiang Kai-shek, who would also later become president.

Student Li Zhongyang, 15, said he felt less shy about answering questions in his all-boys class, but drew hoots of laughter from his fellows by suggesting an absence of girls let them concentrate more on study.

"We lack confidence," he said. "The teachers like girls, who answer more questions in class. This programme lets us realise we are not worse than girls."

It is something of a contrast to males' traditionally dominant roles in Chinese culture, but principal Lu said the programme "doesn't have much relationship to equality in society".

The scheme was launched after China's government called for more "diversification" in educational choices within the state system.

A Peking University professor has called for an even bolder reform, suggesting in September that boys should start school one or two years later than girls.

"The Chinese education system needs to improve and allow various education methods," Wu Bihu said on his microblog. Now Lu hopes to create China's first all-boys school one day.

"Ten or twenty years ago, there was no need for an all-boys class - just put everyone together," he said.

In an increasingly aspirational society, he added, some families saw the new programme as having connotations of top overseas private schools, and so promising an advantage in the highly competitive gaokao.

"The parents know: England has Eton," he said. - AFP